gambling with souls - 1936.


januari 12, 2012

Vasanas are habits, tendencies and patterns that govern the behavior. Emptiness gives insight in the illusion of the separate self, by pointing to That which stays… when clinging to experiences drops. One of those stubborn habits is the ascribing of vasanas to an imaginable self, which really seems to exist as a separate something. Seeing through that ends the psychological suffering.

Identity, and believe in a 'me' that has to improve itself, stops. Habits, as well as the ground of convictions on which they prosper, are recognized and felt more and more, in particular the misconceptions that form their foundation. When consciousness recognizes 'itself', believe in the misconceptions and patterns stops… they don't get momentum.

Another habit is to clean, as an I-form, this same form, and trying to understand what happened. The idea is that understanding will bring peace. However, 'what happened' cannot be understood, as cause and effect are based on - the illusion of - a separate identity with responsibility for and control over its actions.

The convictions 'under' the patterns can be explored from Openness when they happen. In the Directness of that, the 'ability of knowing' can be recognized. 'Knowledge' evaporates in this elusiveness. Being turns out 'the Awaring that happens by itself'.

A habit is not a tangible object or a thing, just like behavior isn't an item that somewhere begins and then ends. Behavior can't be outlined in absolute terms between a start and an end. Often indignation is preceding judgement. This is mostly, if not always, anger of what we call 'ego'.

Ego-anger is an imaginary attitude, which wants respect from the world. What ego-activity means with 'respect' however, is the submission to the ideas and 'authority' of this ego-me. It needs the support of convictions to feign superiority and safety, and hide the underlying inferiority. 'The other' should be submissive and isn't allowed to explore for themselves.

Convictions are always universal, just like consciousness is universal. They may seem unique, but always come down to the same archetypal attitudes: 'I can't do it'… 'I'm not good enough', etc. These are covered with their complementaries: 'I must be able to do it'… 'I'm the best'. This can be traced back to the mythological concepts 'god - devil' or 'good - bad'.

What makes it tricky to notice Awaring, is the conviction that 'I' is a truly existing object, which has to become 'good' through time. Awareness happens impersonally and not from a location… and always as the timeless Now, the Now to which 'things' appear.

Through clinging to experience, Being seems a being, a being that can distinguish itself from other beings. Awareness seems an attribute of 'a' being that has to be developed. In her selfless directness Awareness isn't noticed, because attention is busy improving, reaching a destination, and ascribing Awareness to a me.

The identity appears to be on a time-line, busy dissolving or working on vasanas. It seems that this evolved because a 'me' did certain 'things'. It seems like this when Being is seen as a separate form, dependant on patterns (birth and death). being is the same as Awareness. Being - or Awaring - isn't an activity or object that can be manipulated.