Fear and Control

During practical deepening of open, awake being cloaked mechanisms may appear. The mind puts a lot of effort into trying to keep its insecure basis from being noticed. When circumstances seem to reveal this basis indignation is applied… anger is directed outward with convincing sounding allegations.

If indignation is allowed, and there's a sense of truthful Being which is prior to everything, then there is space to dis-cover behind and in the indignation. Then it turns out that the stories, with which anger was justified, are always build on the idea that 'I am wronged'.

The allegations are meant to distract attention away from a deeper fear of losing control. The mind wants to hold on to the stories and keep on believing it is the central figure in the stories… the someone that is badly wronged.

Persisting in this idea seems to bring control of the world and possibility for manipulation. Drama draws attention to itself and can evoke pity, which is a form of power play.

Ego-mind is unconsciously punishing for what it holds on to as old injustice. Attention hides and isolates itself. This attitude is cold, proud, distant: the stories of injustice are cherished, to ensure anger of its fuel.

Around revenge often a mask of politeness and nonchalance or pseudo indifference is held up, to hide the underlying bitter attitude.

There is great fear for everything that is outside the habits or patterns, or deviates from the rules. Panic may rise, which all too often is cloaked behind commentary, judgment or blame. The mind twists and turns not to have to participate in what falls outside the known or usual, and there's resistance to the world, the other or circumstances.

Often the hiding has a tone of showing off, not allowed to fail and effort, to prove that I'm worthy and mean something. Trust turns out to be pride with denial to insecure lostness as a basis - a form of control and power play. This panic is fear of exposing the insecurity.

The foundation of this panic always is fear of being naked… fear of having no control… fear of not being able to hide behind the story, and the end of 'I'.

This alleged 'I' is a constructed attitude, which survives in a psychological fantasy world. There the denial reigns to experiences and family spheres from childhood. In stead of that ideal images are being held up, to delude the world. This play of the imagined identity - or self hypnoses - needs distance and control.

In the realization of Light and Being there is a deep pervading Openness, which softens and dismantles the cramped attitude. The fuel for the false self vanishes in this open Being, along with the mechanism of defence and the want for power.

Then it becomes clear that behind fear and control the longing for Peace and Light are hiding. This manifests as longing for power, procreation, meaning, wealth, prestige and status… it changes in longing for connection, being open, peace, Light and God. The control becomes soft… longing is recognized as the yearning for being home.

The yearning dissolves in the deep realization that Light is aware of the yearning, and that consciousness is this self-luminous Being… that 'I' is not a separate person, but this indivisible, silent Being next to which nothing is…

This Directness is the Peace for which the yearning was searching. Habitually, however, it searches in relations, accomplishing or proving something. This misconception, that peace is the result of a good relation or an accomplishment, disappears in the recognition of this open, direct Being.

Identity loses its description and illusion of separation, and drops back into the indivisible, intimate Innocence. Consciousness is God… Jesus said it like this: I and my Father are one.

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