Feeling and BeingJanuari 12, 2014
When, in a timeless moment, the Light breaks through, a 'dis-mantling' takes place in the psyche. Everything, which until then formed the human- and world-image, falls apart in a wondrous recognition of a transparent, self-luminous Being, which undividably Is the One.
The effect and stabilisation - of this awakening from the hypnoses of the false self - may take long and bring painful 'vibrations' that earlier could be kept at a 'distance' through artificial attitudes. This can evoke despair… long-time obeyed convictions don't work any more and there is nothing to hold on to.
This 'breaking open' often isn't recognized by the surroundings. It's very hard to communicate what is going on, when it is happening in its full intensity. Medication is subscribed to suppress the fear, just as meditation and spiritual techniques can be used by the ego to persist in avoiding unpleasant feelings, and being focused on 'getting control'.
It seems difficult and scary to allow confusion, in a basis where habituation to (alleged) borders reigns, and models of survival are being obeyed unconsciously. Often there is a 'falling back' in avoiding feelings and guarding the borders.
Looking from ideas about existence is the habit. The sense of being is seen as a separate someone that needs ideas to hold on to. Fear of giving up this delusion overshadows the recognized Truth of Light. For the ego it feels as if it belongs nowhere. Psychologically this evokes - as fear of death - much indignation and resistance.
It takes courage and patience, after the joy of Recognition, to withstand the protesting ego-mind in all its allegations and rebellious habits. It screams and fights for preservation and continuance of its imagined existence, and it doesn't plan to give up just like that.
The inherited or opposed habit of not feeling makes it tricky in this 'dis-entangling'. Consciously or unconsciously 'hanging' above feelings, there may be insight in certain processes, however they come from spiritual or psychological 'models'. They give a temporary sense of safety, but are often mechanics of avoiding direct experience.
Emphasis is on making the - imaginary - identity strong and successful. The basis of that is always identification of Being with a separate form, which learns to see everything as describable parts.
When recognition of the Light announces itself, it is the addiction to these conceptual models, which calls back the attention in an atmosphere of - apparent - control. There is a mechanical resistance to the letting go of it… Unnoticed, 'seeing' happens from fear of losing the identity and the falling away of possibilities to come to fulfilment.
Feelings of deep loneliness and desperation may surface. Behind it is the conviction to be separate from God or the Source. Unconsciously attention was always directed away from that, in service of goals that had to bring compensation for the suppressed feeling of lostness. Hence the indignation… in the 'breaking open' control is recognized as an illusion.
The idea of lostness often comes as a result of looking from a separate self, which is learned early in childhood. This is the psychic separation from the Source of Being… the child looks from undiluted Directness, but is taught to understand that as the seeing of 'a' someone.
It is the believe in the ideas about feelings and experiences that evokes resistance. In all feelings there is feeling as the background… feeling is not of someone… feeling is Being.
In realization of direct Being time falls away, and with that also the person based on memory. Suddenly it is clear that there's just this open, direct Being, which of Itself is conscious as Light. The mind is used to see everything as 'things' and tries to turn this wonderful Directness into a something of a someone.
In this loving Light of Being mind settles down… resentment to the past changes into compassion, indignation becomes soft, and attention shifts, from a focus fixed on retaliation to the direct Openness of Being.